I give my trust freely, which most of the time people take advantage of. As soon as I meet you I trust you; no matter what I've heard, I give you my full trust. I wouldn't go so far as to say I trust you with my life or my kids, but I trust you enough that I believe what you tell me and that you are generally a good genuine person. Sometimes, especially here recently, I hate that I am this way, but I can't help it. I don't really know how to not trust someone at first. With that being said, anyone who comes in contact with me should NOT take advantage of the trust I freely give because once its broken...its broken, not just cracked, but like shattered in pieces, like little tiny shards of glass.
Picture this...
This is a glass. DUH! I know you're not stupid. Lets pretend that I just met you in a class we have together in college. You and I talk a few times and then we decide to hang out. This glass = trust. I trust you wholly. There is not a crack in my trust of you. I just trust you. Period. Okay now....
Picture this....
This is my trust after one breach. Notice how the point of impact on this glass is easily identified. You can tell where it was damaged first because the damage creeps out onto the rest of the surface, therefore making the entire glass at risk of falling apart. It is still intact. You can even still see things through it. But it has become seriously weakened. Compare this to my trust...I still trust you, but its just simply not as strong as before.Picture this...
I try to live by the motto, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Which means...okay so you broke my trust once and I still worked things out with you and we're still friends, I'm just not AS trusting of you as I once was. But now that you've done it again, my trust is completely shattered and good luck trying to put it back together again. My father once wrote this on a note after I had utterly destroyed his trust, "Trust is easily broken, but hard to restore." He probably wouldn't believe it, but that has truly stuck with me, especially when I started having my revelations. Broken trust makes you wonder if everything that person has ever said and done is true. Its makes you start to question everything about that relationship. Time and time again I have dated guys that break my trust. Every guy, excluding one, I've ever dated has cheated on me in some way shape or form. Which, unfortunately, has clouded my vision and made it extremely hard for me to trust any man.
Take a really good look at the picture of the shattered glass. Do you see the tiny specks lying around the large, medium, and small pieces of glass? Those are the shards that you vacuum up or sweep up if you break something in the kitchen. Those shards are the pieces that you don't see, the ones that get stuck in your bare feet. When trust is shattered, those shards are the things that stay behind embedded in your heart, causing bitterness, anger, and pain. Once your trust has been broken it is never fully repaired. If I wanted to pick up that glass and turn it back into whatever it was before it would be IMPOSSIBLE because of those tiny shards. I could get it close, but never fully repaired.
So...if people break your trust over and over and over again, it will, at some point become very hard to trust anyone at all. In my own personal journey, I have developed a HUGE lack of trust for any man that walks the face of this planet. But now that I'm single again and I do WANT to get married one day, I have come to realize that I've gotta figure this trust thing out at some point. After everything I've been through (which you should have read in "Find Strength in Suffering") it had even become hard for me to trust I AM. Now that I think about it...I was stupid for losing trust in Christ. Don't take what I said wrong...I said I lost trust in Him...not I lost faith in Him. I still believed the same things. Still acted and worshipped the same way. But when someone would say..."Hey, I'll pray for you." In the back of my mind I was saying...you can pray, but its not going to do anything...God does what he wants no matter what you pray. And then I got on Facebook this morning and read...John 14:14 -- "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
Now...let me put that in context...lets start with John 14:13. Sorry if I get preachy, but I'm really getting into these scriptures God is putting in front of me everyday...
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
Okay but he doesn't stop there...so we won't stop there. He goes on to say in verse 15,
"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live."
Seriously...I just get so exicted when I read that last part. Do you even realize that if it wasn't for the love of Christ we WOULD NOT LIVE!!! OMG...but thats another blog. Take a moment to think about this though...every morning you wake up...what do you do? Not pee. You breathe. Okay now, we have to trust that God will provide oxygen for us every morning. We have NO CHOICE but to trust Him. Check this out...
My guess is that if I re-learn to trust my Savior...He will heal my heart and I will be able to trust people that are guaranteed to let me down. And when they do let me down...I'll remember...they are people. Humans. Humans make mistakes, its in our nature. And just because I trust you...doesn't mean you can trample all over me. There does come a point where I won't deal with it anymore...and thank you Lord that you don't have that point.
No comments:
Post a Comment