Find Strength in Suffering

Well Hey :)  This blog is actually kinda like a sequel to "Take Pride in the Persecution".  I mean not really because its not really the same topic, but I kinda think they should be grouped together...and since its my blog I grouped them lol [I'm in a really off-the-wall kinda mood today].

So I pretty much really don't know where to begin today other than to just jump right in.

My family has been through a lot...okay wait maybe I shouldn't start there... Every pastor I've ever...UGH!!!!

Alright, now I'm in the mode.  My first blog, "Reflect and Respect" gave a little bit of history on some things that have happened in my personal life.  But I am a part of a family.  (I'm being literal not Biblical right now).  I am the daughter of two loving parents who have put up with a lot from me.  I am the sister to a little boy that hates me sometimes and other times can't wait to hug me.  I am the biological mother to two precious children that I miss constantly.  I am the granddaughter to two sets of living grandparents...on one side I was the only grandchild until my brother was born.  On the other side...I am one of 10.  I am the neice to 4 aunts and well...the uncles right now are kinda iffy.

Seeing as how I'm surrounded by that many people just in my personal family life, I'm bound to come in contact with tragedy.  And boy...has my family been through the ringer.  Be prepared cause you're about to read the bulk of my testimony (in a nutshell) kinda the abridged version.

When I was 9 my mom found out she was pregnant.  Four months later she went through a very violent miscarriage.  A few months after that we moved to Greenville (thats what I talked about last blog).  While in Greenville my mom became pregnant again.  Then we moved back to Seneca.  My brother was born when I was 11.  When Dakota was about 3 months I believe my mom was put in the hospital for a bloodclot.  Couple months later they discovered a brain tumor covering half of her brain.  2 weeks later she almost died in the pre-op.  [EIGHT YEARS LATER SHE IS SUPER HEALTHY, PRAISE JEHOVA RAPHA]  When I was 13 I tried to kill myself.  14...had my first sexual experience through rape.  Lived with that for a year without telling anyone.  15 wrecked my first car...nearly killed me.  16...had my first sip of alcohol (to be cool) also smoked my first joint.  Not to mention I moved out of my parents house and called the cops on my dad.  17...started dating someone who was controlling and physically abusive; began to use cocaine to dull the pain of the blows he inflicted on me. 18...found out I was positive for an STD [given to me by the abusive guy] and also found out I was pregnant with my first son.  Had my son.  Got wrapped up in drugs again (never around my child).  He was placed in temporary custody of my parents. 

Decided to get clean and reclaim my rights...moved to a homeless shelter for addicts...things didn't work out there which is another story.  Almost 19...placed Cayden with his current family.  Moved to Charleston to escape; started singing in bars and skipping my classes at Charleston Southern.  19 and 1 month...found out I was pregnant with my second son.  Decided to have an abortion.  Couldn't go through with it once I heard his heartbeat.  Almost 20...placed Zeke with Cayden.  20...my life changed and I have been clean for one year. 

Yesterday:  got news that my dad's back problem is very serious and is almost 100% likely to require surgery...they would have to cut the front of his neck and move his vocal chords over to reach what they need to.  My father sings and plays guitar for a living.  If he doesn't have the surgery, he will use complete use of his right arm. 

I often wonder... why is my family being picked on.  Then today...got on facebook...went to a friends page that I hadn't talked to in a very long time and this is what I read...

"For God to do great things THROUGH you, you must first go through great suffering."            --New Spring Leadership Conference

REMEMBER...THIS IS HOW HE SUFFERED FOR YOU

Since I was a young girl I used to listen to the pastor tell his stories and I swore he had a story for every single message.  I thought he made everything up...until my life started really being MY life and not my parents life.  Now I realize that I pretty much have a story for whatever you want to throw my way, and if I don't have a story, I know someone very close to me that does.  My mentor reminded me that Job went through this kinda stuff.  His trials were so intense we couldn't even fathom.  But not once did he ever curse God.  In fact, he said this...

"The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." -- Job 1:20

And even through everything that the Lord allowed Satan to throw at him, Job never once cursed his Creator.  NOTE: I SAID EVERYTHING THE LORD ALLOWED SATAN TO THROW AT HIM...God didn't MAKE HIM SUFFER.  God TESTED Him and DUH!!! He knew Job would pass...I mean He's GOD!  I challenge you to read the book of Job.  The whole thing.  And I promise that by the end...you won't complain about the trials in your life.  But you will see that the Lord is waiting to refine you into who He wants you to be.

And when you think...you just can't go on...

Find Strength in the Suffering