Oh my goodness!!!!IT HAS BEEN FOREVER since I've gotten a chance to blog!
AHHHH!!!!! I have been wanting to write, but I haven't had the time.
Time.
Thats why I've been away for so long.
Have you ever just thought about time?
Time FLYS!Okay, so, only like 4 days ago it was Monday and I was begging for the weekend to hurry up and its the weekend already!!! Now I'm gonna be crying for time to slow down.
So, a few months ago (when Drew and I broke up), I was down and depressed because I would go home from work to an empty house and all I could think about was either my kids or "him". It got super annoying. Since I had all this empty time, I couldn't help but think about Drew. My kids are always on my mind and I know that I did the right thing by them so of course my thoughts turned to..."what did I do wrong?" "why doesn't he love me?" "am I not skinny enough?" "oh gosh this picture just brings back so many memories." After about 2 weeks of just wanting to go home, crawl in my bed, and die...I decided it was time to make a change.
First things first I prayed that God would make me busy. It only made sense that if I wasn't at home and I had something else to occupy my time (and my thoughts) that I could forget about the break up. The next thing I did was get rid of everything Drew or Drew related. He came and got some clothes I had of his, the scrapbook I had made, pictures of Zeke. Anything and everything that I had that even came close to reviving a memory of him was put in his arms and carried out the door. 
It started off really easy at first...I committed to volunteering one night a week, Wednesdays, with the youth group *THRIVE*. THEN...my dad put me back on praise team rotation at church which locked up most Thursdays. Shortly thereafter, Marly and I decided to start a bible study on Fridays. Monday has become adoption support group. Which leaves Tuesday free. And sometimes Tuesday becomes the catch all day for all the people I've had to push off due to my regularly busy schedule. Generally, I have nothing to do on Saturday, so I'm lazy. And of course, Sunday is jam packed with worship! [not complaining] And now I've been promoted at work, so I'm staying late here most days. Last week was INSANE and I got to a point where I wasn't even having the time to do my devotion. It got so crazy that I was reading a Bible verse on the way to work, praying, and then that was it for the day. 
A few days ago I had bout 10 minutes to call and check up with Marly. Since I've been so busy I haven't really seen anyone except my roommate and that might be fore 5 minutes as I'm washing my face for bed! So I got on the phone with Marly and began explaining my schedule and why I had been out of touch for so long. I expressed how frustrated I was that I am T H I S B U S Y! I mean I know I prayed to be busy, but this is a little much. I had been feeling incredibly guilty because I haven't really had time to "study" God's Word. Marly shared with me how meditating on the Word is whats most important. Its not like I have to sit down and read a chapter a day. We're commanded to meditate. Think about it like this, if you read an entire chapter out of the Bible, you're not going to remember every single last word...you're either going to get convicted of something and its not gonna leave your head (meditating) or the Lord will speak and all throughout your day you will be meditating. I thanked her for the advice, ran into my apartment, changed clothes, and was walking to my car to meet my dad for dinner when I received this text message...."Psalm 17:8b-9 'Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh will also rest in hope.' Don't worry...he is at your right hand...you will not be moved...just rest in Him...even if you can't bury yourself in His Word...He is still there...surrounding you...loving you...filling you with His presence."
I instantly stopped. I think what got me is "surrounding you". To realize He was right there with me...He knew I was busy as all get out. I mean hey!, I called out to Him and He obviously answered. I removed D and Jesus came to hang out instead.
G o d ' s a w e s o m e l i k e t h a t !So if you feel overwhelmed and feel like your world is caving in or there's not enough hours in a day, its okay. Because "He is still there...surrounding you...loving you...filling you with His presence."
